My last serious relationship broke up ...over children. His, and mine and different values and approaches to how to deal with our children. And it was horrible. If this article can help anyone avoid this kind of pain, then I would be a very happy woman.
Our children are an extension of ourselves and it's not possible to maintain a "secret life" dating someone you care deeply for and keep that away from the children. What message does that in itself send to your kids? That you are ashamed of your partner? That you are in a sordid affair? That you cannot be trusted and are doing something behind their backs that you don't want them to know about? And how does that make your partner feel? Not very worthy - for sure.
When I don't know how to tackle a situation, I research it from many angles. Whilst I seldom find a silver bullet, it gives me confidence in my intuition. Intuitive wisdom and emotional intelligence is not so widespread, and some blokes just don't have much of it - especially if they are impatient in a new love affair. And note - teenagers are much more tricky than younger children.
So if you are intent on making the relationship work, is it not worth taking a bit of time to think things through? It's not a guarantee of success, but at least you can't blame yourself for blundering about like a bull in a china shop and fracturing delicate things needlessly, and it demonstrates your own maturity to your partner!
Kids are smarter than you think. Act from your Fourth Chakra- an open heart! Treat both your partner and kids with the respect and the honesty you espouse in all other relationships, and that will give you the best chance at future happiness.
While many of these articles deal with re-marriage, I believe the same care and approach should be taken in all serious long-term relationships. So here are a few good articles for further reading:
http://www.ivillage.com/making-healthy-stepfamilies/6-a-127706?p=1
http://www.suite101.com/content/meeting-your-partners-children-for-the-first-time-a304752
Have you ever dealt with this scenario before? What tips or experiences could you share?
Hi Ms Maverick, I am the writer of one of the articles you kindly linked to in your article. First of all, thank you for thinking my article was helpful. It was written from the heart and intended to bring some help to women who faced themselves in the same situation I had found myself in before. You are right, kids are smarter than we give them credit for. I found that often it's the things that they don't say which is the most telling about how they feel about their parent's new partner. Casual conversation an important tool in seeing if everyone is OK.
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