Why do people use online dating sites even though they suck?

Hands up- who's tried online dating? Right, we all have, even if we won't admit it publicly.

Hands up: who loves it? Thought so. Ok, let's rephrase the question. Who hates it? Yeah, now I see an ocean of hands.

We all know they're designed to cash in on hope, deliver little value relative to time and emotional capital invested and can leave your self-esteem in tatters. So why do we continue keep doing it? Perhaps some of these reasons?

1. You think dating people you work with or in your professional network is not a good idea - for obvious reasons, so you look elsewhere.
2. Your circle of friends is largely attached/ married and at a loss what to "do" with you, or the friendships fractured after you split from your partner, so you need to build a new social circle. You reason an obvious place is to lstart with others in the same boat.
3. You are over the beer goggles, "drink-and-shag" stage of your life, or you never got into it in the first instance, so a drinking hole as a likely meeting place for someone you share common values with is not an option. Leaving what? Grocery shopping on a Saturday night?
4. You've left a sign out your front door telling Cupid to stop here, but Cupid's obviously pre-occupied "somewhere else". You don't know the directions to "somewhere else" and you think RSVP, Match, or Friendfinder might discreetly aid serendipity.
5. Admittedly, it's fun fantasizing that the Internet might miraculously deliver a sexy
financially-independent,intelligent, uncomplicated, well-adjusted altruistic partner, like in
the movies, right? That's ok, it's a sign that you still have romance left in you!
6. You have signed up and not only invested a subscription fee, but a lot of time trying
to work out what the hell to write, what people want, what works to attract the right sort, and despite all your horrible interactions, you hang in there because you're an optimist.

I have been single since 30 September 2002 when I had to leave my marriage or risk being a
miserable, depressed and angry person for the rest of my life. I chose action above inaction,
and actually, I have discovered this truth about myself ; I definitely have a bias towards
action, I am never the victim of circumstances.

Which is another reason why I am going to experiment with this blog for meeting interesting people who feel the same, instead of playing charades and paying ridiculous fees to a hopelessly flawed system.

Maybe nothing will come of it, and I am totally happy with that, but I already feel better for
having taken the first step to say "Enough of the exploitation of a basic human need for companionship and the toxic erosion of self-esteem!" My self-esteem is pretty resilient and robust without being arrogant or insular, and I want it to remain intact, healthy and happy.

I have enjoyed a couple of rewarding romantic relationships over the past 8 years, and whilst it's challenging to balance it all alongside the emotional needs of one's children which I chose to put ahead of my own, eventually they grow up and there is more space for attracting love back into one's life. It's not that I feel half-empty without it, it's just that it allows me to continue growing as a person because nothing helps me work on being a better person as much as meaningful relationships.

So I will open my fourth chakra, the heart, in this place instead, and invite you, whoever you are, to share yours too. ( By the way, this is about friendship and not finding a husband- so anyone who wants to participate in the conversation is welcome!)

But let's agree to dwell on the positive and not the negative, and no matter where the conversations go, to honor everyone with acceptance, love and respect.